[sic] = said in context

The energy inquirer

Inquiring minds want to know and our silhouetted line art mascot, The Energy Guy, is here with the answers.

Most Recent Inquiries

Dear Energy Guy,

Im [sic] not sure how long you’ve had another five hour energy [sic] commercial out for with the older gentleman who sounds like one of his balls are in a vice, but it’s absolutely horrible. I laugh, then turn the channel every time as well as 90% of the people I know, just so you guys know.

Corey Hayden
Cedar Ridge, CA

I HATE THE NEW COMMERCIAL [sic] I HONESTLY DON’T THINK ILL [sic] BUY THE PRODUCT EVER AGAIN UNTIL IT IS EITHER CHANGED BACK TO THE OLD ONE OR RE-SHOOT [sic] A NEW ONW [sic]

Edward Walker
Depew, NY

I would like to say how much i [sic] dislike the new salesperson on the commercials. He is a terrible actor and the old guy with the black hair was a lot better than him. You can’t even compare the two because they are in two totally different leagues. So i [sic] would 5 hour energy [sic] to re-hire and put on the spokesperson before the old man. I dislike this man very much.

Evan Loukadakis Mansura, LA

Dear Corey, Edward and Evan,

We here at 5-Hour Energy respect the right of individuals to express their opinions, no matter how awkwardly. We respect this right so much that we are willing to place spiteful, poorly written opinions like yours on our website. So even though some people place far too much importance on TV commercials, and have nothing better to do than form criticisms and seek outlets for expressing criticism about said commercials, despite the fact that, among myriad other horrible things going on around us, an unprecedented ecological disaster is currently taking place (right in your backyard, Evan), we are honored to publish their opinions, as written, for all to see. What can I say? I love the First Amendment.

The Energy Guy

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Dear Energy Guy,

I just want to let you know that because of your ubiquitious [sic] “2:30 Feeling“ ad campaign I will absolutely never try your product. What a belittling [sic] annoying message - talking to us like we’re children incapable of realizing [sic] when we’re tired, and mocking us for being boring office drones. I’ll take my $5M [sic] and buy a drink that takes more than 3 seconds to drink.

Wayne S.
Private, NY

Dear Wayne,

Most people perceive that ad as identifying common problem (afternoon grogginess) and offering a possible solution (5-Hour Energy). Rather than feeling belittled and annoyed, they’ve bought a lot of 5-Hour Energy - and I mean a lot. So even though we would love to have your $5M ($5,000?) we’ll try our best to soldier on without it.

The Energy Guy

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Dear Energy Guy,

I love 5-hour energy [sic] but your writers for the commercials need to go. Its [sic] unfortunate your writers are avoiding opportunities for creative storytelling by repeating the same script with a different actor/talent. For an original beverage you need inventive commercials. Get new writers! Please.

Ryan Hammaker
Downington, PA

Dear Ryan, After consulting with our writers, they have refused to go. It’s true that they have avoided opportunities for creative storytelling. Instead they have stubbornly pursued a reckless path of presenting a clear, concise message that people can understand, and sticking with what is working. If you could see the rocketship-esque sales trend since the 2:30 Feeling campaign started, you’d stick with it, too. Creative storytelling may win awards, but it doesn’t sell product.

The Energy Guy

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Dear Energy Guy,

If 5-Hour Energy contains as much caffeine as a cup of the leading premium coffee, why shouldn’t I just have another cup of joe instead of forking over $3 for a 5-Hour Energy?

Signed,
I Smell a Rat

Dear Smelly Rat,

You’re perfectly free to drink all the coffee you want. Don’t let me stop you. However, don’t confuse 5-Hour Energy with a mere cup of coffee. There’s a lot more going on in 5-Hour Energy than just caffeine. Take a look at the Supplement Facts on the label. We are required by law to list the energy blend ingredients in descending order of volume. Please note that caffeine is second from last, meaning that there’s more of every other ingredient, except one. The best way to discover the difference is to try 5-Hour Energy yourself. I think you’ll prefer the feeling 5-Hour Energy provides, as well the distinctive lack of coffee stained teeth, coffee breath, coffee stained clothes, car interiors and carpets.

The Energy Guy

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Dear Energy Guy,

Your television commercials are terrible. Not the content or subject, but the production value. The color correction is off with every shot and the sound levels are just as bad. This makes you ads tacky and laughable. I do not want to buy your product because you can’t find a decent production company to do your ads well. I have been in the advertising business for years. Your ad campaign is not cutting it! Please fire the people you have and get new ones that know what they are doing.

- Jaron Briggs

Dear Jaron,
Our back to back record sales months would like to argue with your assessment of our TV ads. Apparently everyone but you is paying attention to the content and subject matter.

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Dear Energy Guy,

Saw your TV ad. Who signed off on that? I wear glasses and used to box and play hockey. [Explicative deleted] I’ll use my platform as an improv actor to ridicule your product.

- Chris

Dear Chris,
Geez, for an improve actor you’re pretty uptight. Anyhow, thanks for the free advertising. When you add improve actor to the list of things you used to do, let me know. Maybe we can use a glasses wearing former boxer and hockey player.

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Dear Energy Guy,

What is your company’s mission statement? If you don’t have one, what is the main purpose of your company?

Signed,
Business Student

Dear Business Student,

Mission statements are for wimps, and you can tell your professor that The Energy Guy said so. I mean, come on, any honest business person will say that their mission is to run a profitable business. All that flowery “to serve the community” and “treat our employees as family members” stuff is a bunch of baloney. If you have to say it you’re probably not doing it. Just make a good product, sell it and market it effectively, and make money. If that’s not your main focus, all that kumbaya stuff will never happen.

Good luck, tiger.

The Energy Guy

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Dear Energy Guy,
Why does 5-Hour Energy cost so much? I can buy a big 16-ounce energy drink for less than a little 5-Hour Energy.

Signed,
On-2-U in Yuma

Dear On-2-U
Don't be fooled by the American value proposition (more stuff for less money equals value). It simply isn't true in all cases. If you spend $1.99 on a 16-ounce energy drink and you don't like how it works, or it makes you crash, you just wasted $1.99. But if you spend $2.99 on a 5-Hour Energy and it works as advertised, which it will, you will not have wasted a dime. The proof is in the pudding (which is also cheaper than 5-Hour Energy). If you're looking for the best deal around, check out the 24-pack at your local warehouse club store.

Sincerely,
The Energy Guy

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Dear Energy Guy

Your commercials are offensive! I considered trying your product until I saw how you portrayed skaters/punks! I am upset at your commercial for stating "work, you should try it some time." How dare you assume that every skater is a slacker!!! You may not convince me that your product is any better than the ones I've been taking!!!

Signed,
Alyssa

Dear Alyssa,

How dare you assume that we're assuming. The portrayal of one skater as a slacker does not an assumption make. Is there not one slacker among the skateboarding community? Puleeez. I'm sure that the vast majority of skateboarders are hard working, scholarly and perhaps saintly people, but every group has its share of slackers. Not every group is so whiny, though.

Lighten up.

The Energy Guy

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Dear Energy Guy,

Your last commercail i saw about your product five hour energy had me appauled. Your so jugdemental in it and ill will tell everyone i know to never purchase your product including me.

Signed,
Jonathan

How about this: I find your most recent 5-Hour Energy commercial appalling. It's judgmental and critical of skateboarders. As a result I will tell everyone I know to not purchase your product.

Or this: I recently saw your most recent 5-Hour Energy commercial. At first I was offended because I thought your were being judgmental and critical of skateboarders, but upon reflection I realized that indeed there are slackers in the skateboarding community. I am not a slacker and can therefore not take offense to the humorous portrayal. I also realize that a little ribbing is nothing to get upset about. After all, if the President of the United States can stand up to the unflattering lampoons produced on Saturday Night Live, then I can be a sport, too.

Pay attention in English class.

The Energy Guy

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Dear Energy Guy,

I noticed a contest to give you a name other than Energy Guy. Is Energy Guy your secret identity? What did your parents call you?

Signed,
Hung Up in Hartford

Dear Hung Up,

I'm just a vector line drawing with a black fill. I have no parents, although I think it would have been nice to have someone tuck me in and read me stories, make me hot cocoa, kiss my boo boos. But don't feel sorry for me. I have a rich, full life as the Energy Guy. I want nothing more than to maintain this strenuous pose, answer your letters, and accept the name others give me.

Mommy!

I gotta go now,
Energy Guy

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Dear Energy Guy,

I loved 5-Hour Energy shots so much that I recently tried your 6 hour shot.
It sucked. What gives?

Betrayed in Boise

Dear Betrayed,

Never confuse 5-Hour Energy with any of our unscrupulous, copycat competitors. We only make 5-Hour Energy. Any other shot that tries to trump us by an hour or two is pulling your leg and trying to ride our coattails.
By sticking with 5-Hour Energy you get the original energy shot (introduced in 2004) and the number one brand - by a long shot. In fact 5-Hour Energy outsells the number two brand by 10 to one. Why? It doesn't suck.

See ya,
Energy Guy

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Dear Energy Guy,
Why should I spend $3 for something that is gone with a sip? Half the reason I buy energy drinks is because I like the taste. What's the deal?

Bill Goodman

Dear Mr. Goodman,
Bill, that's the great thing about America – there are so many choices that you don't have to settle for something you don't want. If you like sipping sugary, calorie-laden energy sodas, go for it! The rest of us will slam down a sugar free, four calorie 5-Hour Energy shot and get back to work. We'll send someone over to nudge you awake after the crash hits. We're not haters.

Viva America!
Energy Guy

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