Delicate sensibilities offended, English language tortured in wake of 5-Hour Energy ad campaign

Delicate sensibilities offended, English language tortured in wake of 5-Hour Energy ad campaign

FARMINGTON HILLS, MI – Reaction to 5-hour ENERGY’s latest TV ad has revealed the fragile egos and atrocious lack of communication skills in some skateboarders.

“Your last commercial i saw about your product five hour energy had me appauled. Your so jugdmental in it and ill will tell everyone i know to never purchase your product including me.”

The ad that has some skateboarders trying to construct sentences, for what appears to be the first time, involves two contrasting characters. On the left stands a young man dressed in jeans, hooded sweatshirt and sideways cap holding a skateboard and a can of Monster Energy drink. The other is a slightly older man dressed in business casual attire and holding a bottle of 5-hour ENERGY. The two have a short debate about the attributes of their favorite energy drink. The bit of dialog that has touched a nerve among skaters goes like this:

“5-Hour Energy does it without the sugar. You’ll go from groggy to get it done.”

“You mean, like work?”

“Yeah, you should try it some time. 5-Hour Energy. Hours of energy now. No sugar crash later.”

“Come on, it’s funny,” said 5-hour ENERGY’s Energy Guy. “Everyone gets teased some time. It’s the basis of almost all humor. Just look at The Simpsons and Saturday Night Live. They poke fun at everyone, even the President. I mean, if the President of the United States isn’t above a little ribbing, neither are skateboarders.” He went on to emphasize, “We portray one single skate slacker and look what happens. Are there no slackers among skateboarders? Zero? Nada? Whatever.”

But some skateboarders believe the portrayal of one slacker with a skateboard is an attack on all skaters: “Thanks for making skateboarders look like [bleep] idiots to the people of america.. your depiction of skateboarders was so sterotypical and plain [bleep] stupid. To say that we are incapable of working? or saying that we dont know what the [bleep] to do if were handed the “mature” energy drink, we’d just [bleep] our pants or something cuz we just appearantly dont know anything.”

According to Linda Lange, president of PETE (People for the Ethical Treatment of English), the real victim in all of this is English language and grammar. According to a statement released by PETE the group is “extremely concerned” about the quality of writing in the skateboarder’s complaint e-mails and that the language is being “twisted beyond recognition” by people who “are way out of their league in front of a keyboard.”

“We’ve received about a dozen or so complaints about the ad,” said the Energy Guy. “It bothers me that these people take themselves so seriously. I think skateboarding is cool. It takes a lot of talent and courage to perform well in that sport. I just wish some skateboarders weren’t such whiners.”

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